Dear Ones,
Yesterday I wrote about the tenderness of loving what is mortal, and the temptation for me to step out of the moment in a way that steals my own joy.
Today I’m writing about an experience of pure joy, and the blessing of giving in to its abundance. Paraphrasing Mary Oliver, don’t hesitate when it comes to joy.
A year ago, my daughter and her now wife announced that they were getting married. At that time, I was still having chemo with unknown effect on my cancer. My deepest hope was that I would be here for the wedding.
Last weekend we celebrated such a joyful wedding. And I am happy to say that not only am I here, but I walked my girl down the aisle with her dad, and I danced for a long time under the night sky at my daughters’ wedding. A year ago, my body was too weak from both chemo and cancer to do either of those things. I’ve come a long way baby.
I was steeped, soaked, and immersed in joy. I basked and reveled and floated in joy. So much joy. It was glorious!
Joy of a beautiful summer day without the scorching heat that often arrives in June.
Joy of a huge arching Chinese Pistache tree to act as a wedding canopy.
Joy of a circle of rose petals and lavender from our gardens for the couple to stand inside.
Joy of an officiant who knows and loves the couple.
Joy of flowers from local farms, lovingly arranged by friends.
Joy of vows that were heartfelt and personal and funny and had all of us in both laughter and tears.
Joy of a community gathered, of friends and family who have really seen, supported and celebrated these two young women.
Joy of families that some would have called broken, but we call expanding and mended and full of love.
Joy of two people who are pretty incredible as individuals, but who so clearly make each other better too.
Joy of this cancer mom that I am here and celebrating with every fiber of my being, and that for this day, I was simply mom.
Joy of trivia questions, and toasts, and dinner under the oak trees.
Joy of hugs and conversation with a widening circle of loved ones.
Joy of ice cream (both vegan and delicious).
Joy of bubbles and children running and playing on the lawn.
Joy of dancing: family dancing, children dancing, friends dancing, grandmas dancing, couples dancing, and a conga line for us all, a big clan of dancing, singing fools.
Joy of memories of loved ones departed whose presence was still felt.
Joy of launching this couple into their new chapter.
Joy of queer joy, and a pure celebration of this love. (Happy Pride today and everyday y’all).
I didn’t let anyone, even myself, steal my joy. I didn’t succumb to melancholy. I lived neither in the past nor the future, but only in each moment. I didn’t think about cancer, other than to express my deep, deep gratitude and awe that I am here and fully present.
My heart and cup are full of joy and I will not squander it. I will let it carry me through this next transition of watching this couple move across the country to start a new chapter. And maybe even beyond that.
If your joy reservoir is empty, fill it up again. Find some joy, even if that means borrowing someone else’s joy to get you started. Joy is contagious that way.
What is bringing you joy today?
Thanks for being here. Please share this with folks who might be interested.
To Joy,
Maija
Songs of the week: Give Yourself to Love by Kate Wolf and I’m Alive by Michael Franti
Such authentic, pure joy in these photos and stories. A thousand blessings on the life of these Brides!
SO glad you were there and are here now, dear Maija. What gives me joy as I progress on the journey of life, is simple, everyday things...listening to the songbirds in my garden and watching them splash in the fountains. Sharing a cup of tea with a friend at the kitchen table and talking for hours about the stuff of life. And walking. Simply walking around the neighborhood and in my garden. And learning to be present in the moment is such a practice . Thank you for your words of wisdom...and JOY!
Love you!
What brings me joy today is vicarious: feeling your joy at your daughter's wedding. So happy for you and for her!