Dear Lovers of Life,
Many years ago, when I was at a Sweet Honey in the Rock Concert, Bernice Johnson Reagon was leading the audience in a sing-along. As an audience we were giving an anemic effort. She stopped us to encourage us to do better. She said “What are you waiting for? You’re gonna die anyway. You can really go for it!” I kept that quote on an index card for years.
Living with an incurable disease means that I know that I will likely die of that disease. News flash: you’re going to die too. Death is hard to talk about for a lot of us –– it is a launch into the great unknown for ourselves, and a tremendous loss both for us and for those we leave behind. But the knowledge that we are each going to die can sometimes offer freedom. I think that is what Bernice Johnson Reagon was talking about. Singing out in a big group was not going to kill any of us, and, well, you’re gonna die anyway. Death can give us the freedom to really go for it in life.
I think most of us are probably holding back somewhere in our lives. There is some area in our life in which we could receive this freedom. Rather than really going for it, we are waiting to do the thing. Death reminds us that we can do the thing and do it now. If fact, if we want to do the thing, we should do it now because tomorrow is not promised. Life is for living!
The thing might be something ridiculous. For me right now it is my new loud pants. I bought myself a pair of really bright plaid pants, and I wear them. They are not what I would normally wear, but my loud pants feel like freedom.
It can also be something more meaningful. Writing this SubStack newsletter is that thing for me. I’ve written sporadically for a long time, but I wanted to write more regularly, and to put it out into the world to create connection. Cancer limits my energy and capacity, but those limits have been clarifying. Many of the things I have dabbled in or planned to do fell away and left space for writing. I stopped waiting to do the thing and I’m doing it.
I send my writing out into the world in spite of the fact that every time I hit the “publish” button, a vulnerability hangover sets in. Surely this will be the piece that resonates with no one. This will be the one I will regret. The reality is that nothing will resonate with everyone, and most things resonate with someone. And even if it doesn’t, I’m gonna die anyway. I can really go for it!
Where in your life could you use a little freedom? What would it take for you to stop waiting, and at least put a toe into the water?
I’ll say it to you: What are you waiting for? You’re gonna die anyway. You can really go for it!
Thanks for being here. Please share this with folks who might be interested.
Lots of love,
Maija
Song of the Week: Freedom by Jon Batiste – this one will make you move.
I couldn't agree more! I recently attended a talk by Alua Arthur, a death doula. She said cheerfully, "We're all going to die!" She often observes women nearing death wanting to indulge in a dessert that they've denied themselves for decades - but at that point, the woman often can't eat or taste anything. Alua Arthur advised us, "Eat more dessert NOW while you can!" And I have. Thanks for reinforcing her message.
Love the LOUD PANTS!!! Living on the EDGE baby.
We think alike. Seriously, we are all gonna die.. either today, tomorrow or someday.
No one has made it out of this lie alive! AND, no every says "Wow, I wish I had spent more time at work!" Just sayin'.
I have so many friends fighting for their lives right now. Sometimes I don't know what to do other than to say I am 'here' for you if you need me. In my head I say "Go in Peace".
Of course I hope all my friends and family will out live me but "that ain't gonna happen". I need to remind them I love them as often as I can and to live my life as if its a wild and precious thing.
I LOVE YOU Maija! xoxo Sparky