Trying Softer

Dear Kind Community,

“I know most people try hard to do good and find out too late that they should have tried softer.” Andrea Gibson

Shoulder to shoulder with about 90 people, we sit in camping chairs in a backyard ready for live music. In this favorite venue, the Bootleg Café and Tiki Lounge, our generous host has invited some local/regional musicians, Duo Quartet, whom we have seen several times before. I’m ready for some beautiful harmonies in this lovely community.

My wife leans over to me and whispers that “we” had just bombed Iran. A gut punch. Again. I feel my heart sink and that low-level panic we all live with these days start to take over. And then I heard those words echoing in me: “try softer.”

So I didn’t check my phone to learn more about the bombing. I decided I was going to just be present to where I was and be surrounded by music. I doubt that the musicians even knew the news yet. We started out singing along to Get Together:

C’mon people now, smile on each other, everybody get together, try to love one another right now.

We keep singing.

When you look to a king who has feet of clay, can’t stop hoping for a brand new day. We got hope (hope), faith (I believe), love, love, love is what we need.

I’m gonna lay down my sword and shield down by the riverside, ain’t gonna study war no more.

Singing is resistance.

Sing hallelujah one more time.

Love is the opening door. Love is what we came here for.

We sing, dance, and soak in the music. In my ideal world, I would have a good soak in live music every week, a sort of weekly baptism. We fill ourselves up.

Tomorrow there will be time to learn the ugly details of our latest cruel, stupid action. As it turns out, trying softer was such a relief that I didn’t dive down a rabbit hole of news the next day––enough to be aware of what is going on, but I didn’t immerse myself.

gifts from the garden

I own the privilege of being able to compartmentalize this for today. I’ve run in activist circles long enough to know the pressure to always be on and fighting. I also know that real change is only possible when we work sustainably. This is long haul work. Sometimes we need to remember what we are fighting FOR, rather than what we are fighting AGAINST. I think about the No Kings protest the Saturday before. Joining with millions to say hell no to the litany of cruel human rights abuses was energizing and important.

Also, try softer. We donned our rainbow overalls and watched the Pride Parade on Sunday, celebrating the joy and freedom that is possible in our community. And everyone knows that “the gays” know how to throw the best parades! In our safe spaces, the LGBTQIA community is an engine for creativity. Rainbows, dancers, singers, drag queens, more rainbows, sequins, swag, floats, pets, flags and still more rainbows. Pride is a protest. Pride is a celebration.

I am between treatments and have enjoyed have a couple of weeks of respite with more energy, more appetite, more fun. Next week I start a new chemotherapy which will likely be rough for a while. Every time you change treatment, it’s a whole new game of learning how your body will respond, mitigating your side effects, and dosage adjustments. There is no predicting, you just submit to the new protocol and see what happens. I don’t like this part.

I glance at the title of this newsletter: Healing Happens. While my chemo will be trying harder to do it’s job, I will try to remember to try softer to do mine, to keep exploring what it means to heal when there is no cure.

When I try harder, I’m harder. When I try softer, I’m softer. Consider where there might by room in your life to try softer.

Thank you for being here. I appreciate you. Please always feel free to share by hitting the share button or forwarding this email. All of the content is available with a free subscription.

Stay gentle,

Maija

Songs of the Day:

Hallelujah One More Time, Paul Kamm and Eleanore MacDonald (only available on Apple Music)

Get Together, Keb’ Mo’

I’ve included Elton John’s Love Song before, but this is a different version.

The complete Healing Happens Playlist is available on Spotify and Apple Music.

Healing Happens on Spotify

Healing Happens on Apple Music