Dear Friends,
I turned 60 a couple of weeks ago. I spent the last few months trying to wrap my head around turning 60 because I was just 55 a minute ago. But then I realized that a lot of the intervening years were swallowed by pandemic and cancer, so it made sense. Today, some thoughts on turning 60.
(Since I was having trouble writing, I turned to the 11’s, a tool from writing promptress extraordinaire, Jena Schwartz. If you are a writer or want to write and need some support or inspiration, I highly recommend her offerings.)
1. I’m simply happy to have another year. Thank you to all that makes this possible.
2. I spent my birthday in Seattle and Orcas Island, stunningly beautiful and gloriously not hot. I’ve spent the majority of my life in Sacramento, California and a July birthday is miserably hot. One recent year, I got in my car on the big day and the inside temperature registered at 120. Maybe I should move.
3. I’m a Cancer with cancer. (I crack myself up.)
4. I’m not very good at being the center of attention. At one birthday celebration I was trying to rotate among folks. I decided that it would be good to be on a giant Lazy Susan to be rotated at appropriate times. This idea is up for grabs for you inventors since I won’t be pursuing it.
5. I need to write things down. It is too stressful to try to keep lists in my head. And let’s face it, I forget things. More so since chemo.
6. Writing (besides making the lists) helps me unravel the tangle in my head. I often do this kind of writing with a keyboard, while lists are always written on paper. Go figure.
7. I am happy with an ordinary life. I used to think my life might make a more widespread impact, might be more than ordinary. These days I appreciate the small circle of ordinary that my life has touched and touches. The simplicity of this is enough.
8. Meditation helps me breathe. I forget this sometimes, and the return to the cushion is such sweet relief.
9. I listened to a podcast recently with Kate Bowler interviewing comedian Tig Notaro who described herself as “the luckiest unlucky person” in the world. And I said, ME TOO! How curious that it is possible to feel lucky in the midst of events that many would describe as unlucky. There is so much beauty in this world, in people and I love this life so much. Without slipping into toxic positivity, and acknowledging that this is not true for all of us all of the time, I hope you can see how you are lucky too. If you are mired in the unlucky parts, I wish you a little glimmer of lucklight shining your way.
10. During my birthday trip, I went hiking (more like strolling) with loved ones around a lake on Orcas Island. One life-long friend later commented that as she hiked behind me, she felt a lightness coming from me. I have definitely walked through some dark places in life, and this friend has borne witness to most of them. When I say that healing happens, this is what I mean: I feel this lightness, even while I live with cancer. Healing comes when I allow it in, without demanding that it conform to a narrative that says that my body must be cancer-free to find healing. Do you ever put up obstacles to your own healing?
11. Stepping into another decade I might even say I’m hopeful. Not for a miracle cure (although I’ll go on record as being willing to receive a miracle) but for days and years filled with wonder and joy, lightness and love.
May you be lucky even in your unluckiness. May you find healing even in the hard places. Remind your people of the beauty you see in them.
Thanks for being here. Please share this with folks who might be interested. And please share your thoughts in the comments, or hit reply if you are reading this as an email.
Until next time, lots of love,
Maija
Songs of the week: I’m Lucky by Joan Armatrading and I am Light by India.Arie
Thanks for your thoughts, Maija. I'm about six months ahead of you for our milestone birthdays. So far, so good. I passed Jena Schwartz's link to a writer friend, and she asked which class you took. Thanks for letting me know, if you get a chance.
Happy belated birthday and welcome to the sixties. It seemed like it was just yesterday when I met you twenty years ago. I knew then there was something special about you and that I felt a soul connection to you. I too will turn sixty this month and have been pondering what this next decade will bring. Thank you for your honesty, your simplicity and authenticity. I love that you are writing and putting it out into the world. Sending love and hugs from Colorado, Christine.